i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
