ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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