dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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