Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
