i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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