Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
