Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
