Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
