I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
