i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
