so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
