I am puke
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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