there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize