"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
