OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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