..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Randomize
