She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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