she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
