Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
