cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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