that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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