My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
