She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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