she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
