3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
