Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
