come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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