I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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