i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
