That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
