New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
