I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
