Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
