dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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