Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
