did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
