you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
