u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
