In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
