WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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