i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
