Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
