i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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