You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
