He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
