now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
