her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
