Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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