I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
