she's into porn, im staying here tonight
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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