you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
