There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
there is glitter all over my balls
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