Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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