One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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