White coat. Heels.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
