There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize