somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
