i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
