Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
