You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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