you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
