Old men and throwing up are my life now.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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