your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
