Tell her she can't have a vagina
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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