Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
