fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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