I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
