he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
