New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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